Ian's profileLand Below The WindPhotosBlogListsMore Tools Help

Blog


    March 24

    THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO TOILET SEX

     
     
     
     
    THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO TOILET SEX IN MALAYSIA  by TV Smith 
                    
     
    In the recent 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, Malaysians overwhelmingly picked the toilet as the preferred place for shagging outside a bedroom. In view of this prevalent practice, Dua Sen presents the definitive guide to toilet bonking...
     
    Where:
    Recommended:
    ? Unisex toilets: Beach Club, Passion, Loft, Thai Club, Liquid KL
    ? Spacious toilets: Imbi Food Court , KL, Press Club of KL.
    ? Lonely toilets: Shell Station, Batu 13 Ulu Langat.
    ? Artistic toilets: Pudu Complex (excellent erotic graffiti on doors).
     
    Not recommended:
    ? Rajooz Curry House PJ - Stack of dirty dishes inside.
    ? The Mall KL - The doors are about 3 or 4 feet high.
    ? Boutique Toilet KLCC - Will people who won't pay for a room pay RM 4 for a toilet?
    ? LRT Stations - Gadget mounted to prevent squatting over bowl hinders smooth sex.
    ? Zouk KL - Bouncers get upset.
    ? Toilets for the handicapped - Peter Tan gets really upset.
     
    Precautions:
    ? Due to the foul smell in most of our public toilets, it is advisable to SKIP foreplay.
    ? Bring along an aerosol can of air freshener and flush BEFORE sex.
    ? KEEP handbag safely around neck as snatch thieves strike from adjacent cubicles.
    ? Most of the cheap porcelain break easily, so go EASY on the acrobatics.
    ? Some toilets/cubicles come with built-in urinals. They usually stink. DO NOT push    your partner's head in that direction.
     
    Positions:
    While most (understandably) prefer an oral quickie, many copulating positions are possible depending on your dexterity and state of desperation... 
      
      
      
      

                        
     

     

    March 12

    Murphy Law







     
    It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
     
    Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
     
    Every solution breeds new problems
     
    You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
     
    Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with
     confidence
     
    All great discoveries are made by mistake.
     
    A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
     
    Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches
     
     
     
    The only perfect science is hind-sight.
     
    Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
     
    When all else fails, read the instructions.
     
    Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use
     it.
     
    The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones
     she can't stand years later.
     
    Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
     
    Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words
     to convey its full meaning.
     
    You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
     
     
     
    Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
     
     
     
    No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because
     it'll never be quite the same again.
     
    Sex has no calories.
     
    Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of
     trouble.
     
    There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
     
     
    Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
     
     
    If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
     If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
     
    When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know
     the answer.
     
    A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer
     
    The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is
     growing.
     
    Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference
     
    The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race
     
    If it can break, it will, but only after the warranty expires.
     
    When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep
     thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.
     
    In God we trust; all others pay cash
     
    If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway
     
    There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.
    March 06

    Princess Melt

     Once upon a time there lived a king. 
    The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. 
    But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. 
    No matter what; 
     
    metal, 
     
    wood, 

    stone,

     Anything she touched would melt. 
    Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. 

    The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
    He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If 
    your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will 
    be cured."

    The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a 
    competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would 
    not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. 
     
    The first brought a sword of the finest steel. 
    But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and the prince went 
    away sadly. 
    The second prince brought diamonds. 
    He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not 
    melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was 
    sent away disappointed. 

    The third prince approached. He told the princess, 
    "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." 
    The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. 
    She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. 
    And it did not melt!!!
    The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the 
    third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. 

    Question: What was in the prince's pants? 

    (Scroll down for the answer) 

     

     



     

     

     
    M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 
    What were you thinking??